only three android versions behind for $500? sign me up /s

I understand, that’s why I suggested some non-easily-detectable solutions.

That’s not how VPNs work, you can’t just “block all of them”. I think OP just needs to use a pure-TLS VPN solution (like SoftEther) or an obfuscated one like shadowsocks/obfs from a not-super-well-known provider (or self-host it on a VPS/etc.) and they should be golden.